healthier-choice

choices that came with
PRESSURE

i grew up knowing that some choices doesn't depicts freedom of choosing
in circumstances where you're either forced to choose a better alternative or you're just more inclined towards an option

definately being able to choose has a better edge over "no-choice"
but with the same group of people, i often faces choosing over pressure
for instances, i've already made up my mind but someone would told me i shouldn't go for it
and part of the reason behind such action is not for my good but rather another person's benefit

sadly to say that i'm always the one giving in
just because someone else wanted/needed my choice
and i find fighting for micro matters un-important-damn-childish

i do hope others who wanted my choice find that childish too
however, normally/usually/always they don't

this got nothing to do with indecisive-ness.
i've made my opinion/choices heard
but someone will tell me others need it more than i do

for example: sizes s, m, l
i fit into both small and medium but reckon that medium is more comfortable
there is no issue with me getting a medium since i wanted it
but it became a problem when there's only 1 medium available
so i was advised to get the small and offer medium to someone else

(the strongest survive, it's bounds to show the weak wrote this post) 

there's seriously no big deal here
1) i didn't like the pressure to be a nice person (always)
2) i do think deeply if im an easy person to negociate with
3) or i seem too alright and others too needy?

saying a reason such as
"you look better in small"
"there isn't much to alter if you get small size"
doesn't seem very valid when i told the world/earth with my purest voice
that medium is more comfortable.

medium could be in my bag if there's an additional piece
when there's none, i got to be the giver despite it being not my choice
i've always categorize the cause of problem as

"i'm not as girlish, just too garang"

afterall, that's better than
"i don't deserve"

should master the emo-kitty-cat look
that might give me an advantage or maybe some bitch-slap

i'm okay if this doesnt happen too often between friends
but i'm thinking if this happens at work/corporate,
it's definately unfair for me to give up opportunities and choices of mine

p.s:// it's not about blaming it's why im in the position of a giver and not the recipent
ying, i'll (need to) rant/discuss/analyze this during our next talk. (please research)

on a lighter note, i should sweet-talk myself
"at least you fit into a small"
"you might look amazing in skin tight outfit"
"too bad yosho's into thick asian girls now"

UNDER-WEAR

i want to

see
through
you

i'm searching for someone who works behind those camera and lens
well and it's so a specific occassion for a friend

so, one of the person under my list replied ethusiastically
until i revealed the date i needed him (yea right so much)
he didnt bother to say some nice when he couldn't satisfy me

he wasn't available!

it's okay the search might start again
but! i asked him if there is anyone else he could introduce

im not dumb.

i deliberately asked a question like this for a test.
1) getting hold of someone he deem as a competitor
2) somehow gauge a person like him

it would probably be a struggle to reveal or not to reveal
introducing business to a industry rival or hold on to everything within the zip
is it that's why he havent reply my mail yet?
because it's too obvious when you avoid a mail

p.s:// excitedly waiting for replies.

DOUBLE TROUBLE 2

it seems like her story didnt end that quick
but still.. it's an experience with slight trouble.

the domestic helper evolved from stressful to a crazy stalker
she'd text "good morning, good night" almost daily to BIL (brother-in-law)
and it's only the BIL getting those privilege texts

this is a really nothingness compared to some accusation she/her husband made
they accused the family of not giving the domestic helper food!
making a statement framing the family from those inhuman and unethical acts

obviously that's a wrong move and CHECKMATE
how could a family starving her would aid her in getting food for her family?

(credit victoria's secret)

then we get to know that she'd brought along  s e x y  lingerie from sister
of course she looks nothing like the illustration above.

however, i'm sure she's a potential boy-snacher without judging the looks
although she proclaimed herself to be shy/quiet, i assume there's a sultry self under those dark skin

someone: so did she wear that at home?
sis: no but she probably would if im out at night
me: she's not even pretty! goodness.
sis: it's a different thing if she's put in front of hungry men.

edit:// our current domestic helper heard from her friends in the hostel that
our previous helper told them that she was sent back because owner is jealous of her

great.

A R E   Y O U 
H U N G R Y   E N O U G H

DOUBLE TROUBLE

domestic
helper's
trouble

(un)fortunately, E in her 30s is a computer science undergraduate from her hometown
she's new in this line and probably couldn't accept such low level job
though the pay is >5times her previous job

her reason for leaving home for work is to send her eldest child to college
she appeared slightly educated than the rest in this line
and she seems like a loving mother who praise arrogantly about her 5children

when she first came she was quite alright till a few days later..
she woke up early to do the laundry and was crying away
her problems heard and we gave her some(3k peso) to solve it temporary

 one day, she announce that she wanted to quit
but on the other day she asked if she could stay on
apparently, she's more keen on returning back home
from the distraction shown and like what my sister said "like in a state of depression"

(credit found)

she've been trying hard to think of solutions to clear her debts (approx 55k peso)
to the point of taking paracetamol almost daily and not been sleeping well

E: what's the best medicine for stress?
me: there isn't medication that directly cure stress.. how about not thinking too much?

p.s:// i secretly afraid that she would poison me if she stayed on in such state
but i do hope that she'll get back to cebu safely and quickly.

life's not easy

Antiseptic Lozenges

bad weather coupled with sore throat and random coughs
didnt make my life from semi-active job seeking status or my holiday any better

someone on the bus switched her seats when she notice that i coughed
please trust me that i cough really lightly with my mouth closed
and not those major cough where saliva flew all over

(credit found)

this must be it that she's afraid of
i'm just a little turnoff by the hike of mask prices in the market
those capitalist are determine to derive any ill-gotten profit in any consequences

i became a whisperer when night comes
and futile tries on speaking will end up with more coughings

may i still have the power to stare at those japanese little snacks and not touch them