TOO FAST TO LIVE ; TOO FAST TO LEAVE

i merely mention about medical staff who's married to a lawyer about one post ago.
it's a pity to hear that driving diving accident took his life.

just like this, he's gone.
and i'll no longer see him during the new posting.
the end of the humble/shy smile that i steal a glance on

-----------------------------

the news online updated an hour ago mention that
he was an avid photographer and experienced diver

all i know was

he graduated from cambridge med school, postgrad studies (mrcs) in edin
and awaiting for his fscrs examination in edin later this year.

certainly a high flyer in clinical research work
despite his inability to communicate well with other medical staff/allies
(as mentioned by his supervisor)

felt a loss though we only met once.

WHY PAY MORE?

(okay title sounds like some thrift store slogan)

i was told paid a sum that was rounded up
logically, i want to justify the actual payment
but the sister switch to a tone that irks anyone

in conclusion,
she mentioned about "don't need to justify",
"just a small round up", "why making a fuss".

like my mum says "whenever she pays for bills, we paid even more"

i wasn't quite ready for this.
previously, i've helped her with a payment
which she end up giving me $xxx.40 (cents)
if she's telling me about fussy over dollars then she should reflect about her cents.

how come on she needs more sense than cents now.
i couldn't emphasized how much i don't mind in paying rounding up
if you speak in a friendlier tone (not like a own you a cent in the first place)
since this wasn't my first time paying for round ups in your system.

sometimes, there isn't any big deals in the actual problem
but more on how it's being delivered across creates some hurdles.
to think that i've to email her highlighting how uncomfortable i am towards her tone
just because continous communicating on the spot is almost bad for us.

she's wasn't totally bad
at least she got me a chocolate croissant for breakfast
when the bakery has a buy 1 get another free deal.
guess mine was part of the free or 1/2 of the actual value.

anyway, i'm calculative yet thankful.

TO GET LAID (OFF)

a supervisor who's not detailed, not meticulous, not systematic
whenever a task/project is in my hands,
she would only brief me on certain things which she needs my input
and left out other "FYI" type of messages which goes strongly with what i'll be handling

how can one really rely on a person who's proficient only in delegating work
almost everyone knows that my position is usually overload with her work instead of focusing on my department
can you imagine the previous co-worker left partly of this reason?

today, a newly posted officer came over with her operating video
but i wasn't informed about the collection at all.
i felt like shit for saying "i'm not really sure about that"

that couldn't be avoided even if i keep digging out questions/doubts
through this period, i've been busy dealing with upcoming projects
and clearing back debt shits as well as clearing their past mess.

things weren't done as it suppose to be
no one really knows how to deal with them
my supervisor who can't really take stress appeared rather weak when i voice out the problems

anyhow, being winged under a not-so-capable supervisor
does makes me feel a little better about my own ability but at the same time an idiot when i'm ill-informed
perhaps, having an outlet for me to laugh madly like a 5yearold would make me a more efficient contributor.

p.s:// don't get me wrong! being overly meticulous, detailed and systematic is irritating too
there ought be a balance between every qualities to bring out better work performance

senior consultant: it's just me! and only me because i'm very systematic and meticulous.
me: (why is he talking to my boobs?) okay! you.

me: whoever(doctor) is quite cute with that shy smile hanging on his pale face
giggler: he's married to a lawyer.
me: ya. thanks a lot.

POST SURGERY

on the day of surgery,|
i was directed into a room for more test
mainly to make sure that the vision maintains as of the first consultation

after which i was told to wait a little while
for the nurses to administer numbing eyedrops on both eyes
while being hold just outside the OT i heard the laser "sound" the medical staff told me about
wasn't that bad when you're expecting the worst

finally the moment!
i was told to lie on this move-able "bed"
(imagine a dentist chair buy 180 degree flat)
with the above left machine to make a flap on your cornea
and the above right to remove the irregular cornea tissues.

during the process i could clearly see the tool used to flip open my flap
but the process wasn't uncomfortable, it's bearable and fast
one of my ophthalmologist's assistant has got great voice
"5 .. 4 .. 3 .. 2 .. 1 .. suction off"
(he dilated my pupils on my first visit)

the whole process for both eyes took less than 15minutes (i suppose)
after which i was taken to a darker place to rest my eye that is sensitive to lights
it took about an hour of rest before my surgeon examine on my eyes
the bright light from the "microscope" force my eyes shut
so, i can only depend on more numbing solution to go through the exam

the sensitive eyes took a few weeks (nearly a month) to subside a little
but dry eyes continue to be one of the post surgery symptom, so is poor night vision.
less than 12hours of rest, i could safely say that my eyesight improved a lot

however, there is always a limitation to its recovery
like mine i can clearly determine that my left eye's vision is sharper than the right's
moreover, i very short-sighted (like 800degree for one eye) 
one of the cons i might face is retina detachment
(that's like 1 in 500 patients - pretty high)

i wonder if my ophthalmology is trying to warn me of all side effects
or retina detachment is really that common for very short-sighted patients
hope he's just being paranoid and doing his best in informing all outcomes

subsequently, i went for my checkup 1day, 1week and 1month after my surgery
again due to 1/500 probability of experiencing retina detachment,
i need to be extra attentive to my eye condition as well as another check up 4months later

for your information,
there is almost no way to prevent retina detachment
except for not punching into your own eyes, tear it with your fingers
and maybe say a little prayer every night before sleep.

AUGUST! (OVER)

(nope not the noun)
i last posted during august and that's quite some time ago

during my absent

(1) i got my eyes done

refractive surgery that is.
before the surgery,
i was telling mum that don't blame me if i back out on the last minute.
anyway, i didn't instead i went through the whole procedure asking myself

if everything was real
am i really going to do it

this 2 annoying question followed me till im in the operation theatre
when everything is done i asked myself if i really did went through the procedure
a dreamer with wild imagination needs double assurance from self

i don't own the eagle's vision but it's good for use

(2) landed myself in a semi-job

fortunately or not, i got a placing in a health service sector
handling departmental issues with regards to opthalmology

yes. not on purpose.
then, everyone started asking where is did my eyes and why not here.
everything is still cool right there though you get to see healers that doesn't seem so kind than when they're in the clinics

do enjoy weird/slutty gossips about my medical co-workers
they're human beings afterall but with better brains

last friday, i went for some complimentary influenza jab
it has been a long time since my last jab
what i was looking for wasn't the benefits of vaccine but the thrill of getting so uptight about the injection

registration nurse: a baby who's afraid is coming in!

nurse holding a jab: any allergy?
me: .. urm.. nope except for scare and afraid
nurse holding jab: scare and afraid. ok.
friend: oh is that painful?
me: (needle making its way through my comfort zone) yes PAINFUL
nurse: just like an ant bite
me: yeah.. king ant that is.

(3) ate so many meals of unhealthy fastfood

you work, you go for lunch, you eat.
the number of burger kings, kfcs, burgers, fries, sweet drinks
certainly makes me feel so blah

(4) rejected some whatever mnc and keep ranting over about why mnc not proaching me,
(5) promised not to cry with my new eyes but tear like crazy watching P.S I love you despite the happy scenes

my usual sleeping time has been adjusted to 9.30pm - 10.30pm during weekdays and it's freaking 12.12pm now
i will definately wake up regretting about sleeping late tonight because of xanga!